I have cheated on and off for years on my partner, only a couple times physically. I would lie to people online about my age, my name, who I was just to gain their affection and I think sometimes genuinely would fall in love and them with me. My partner is sweet and gorgeous but and honestly is the love of my life. Part of our vows were in sickness and in health and I have failed at that part, they go in and out of major depression and health issues and will disappear into our bedroom for days or weeks on end sometimes. When they are healthy and good we are good but when I can't have their affection because of it I spiral, I begin to seek it out other places. I have lied so much and have hurt so many people, I honestly hate myself for it and I think this is the first time I have said all of this out loud before. There is something dark or broken in me and I am trying to get it all out. I am confessing this to try and find some sort of healing.