I(28f) am the youngest of 4 kids, the other 3 being guys. My second-oldest brother, whom we'll call "L" said something to me a few months ago that keeps worming through my brain. We were talking about how messed up our home life had been as kids, and he said: "Well, you got the worst of it." I was surprised because I had never viewed it that way. I told him we all got dealt a shit hand, and the conversation moved on... but the more I think about it, the more I realize that he's right, to an extent. Objectively, my oldest brother "H" had it much worse, though our situations were very different. H was mentally and physically handicapped, and while he was spared most of the emotional abuse, I fear whatever may have happened to him behind closed doors; I saw the cigarette burns. My father became addicted to OxyContin when I was around the age of 13, and his mental state quickly dwindled on the drug. He hadn't been a good father beforehand, but Oxys made him so much worse. My brothers were all adults by the time things completely collapsed, and I was left alone in the middle of it. Well, I suppose "alone" isn't the right word; I had H to take care of. He died 8 years ago, but sometimes I catch myself looking for him. "it's too quiet, where's H?... oh right." "Maybe I should pick up a Hot Wheels car for H... oh right."