I have so many regrets, pain, and complete loneliness. Girls never really showed me attention in school, the few that did always cheated. Dated a girl for 2 years right after high-school she on a whim leaves me for some marine she met in a strip club on vacation. I got bad off on opiates after ee broke up, lied to myself and just kept saying I didn't care about having a wife and kids, just did more drugs all through my 20s. I have been clean for a while now, in my late 30s but I have nothing, no job, wife/GF/family. Covid ruined fucked my work life up. I hate life so much. I never get that young relationship that grows old. I'm too old for kids now. My mom was older when she had me and the generationsl disconnect between her and other parents means I missed out on a lot of things. I wouldn't do that to a kid. But I just wish I tried my more. I wish I didn't let the opiates convince me I was ok alone. Would I have found a girl? Likely not they really seem to avoid me like the plague, I don't know why. I'm not ugly, I'm not mean. They would just friend zone me instantly. So I just stopped trying. I wish I hadn't. I Wish I found someone. I Wishing I had kids. I Wish I was happy.